We’ve entered the final stretch of the presidential election, and it has become apparent that Mitt Romney actually won’t release any more back tax returns, on the moral principle that nobody can make him, so neener, neener. Clearly, Romney has decided that whatever is in those returns is worse than the daily pounding about this that he is getting from his opponent, from the media and even from his own supporters.
On one hand, it would be unfair and irresponsible of me to baselessly speculate about what embarrassing facts those tax returns might reveal. On the other hand, no one can stop me, so neener, neener.
If there’s a smoking gun, I predict it’s going to be one or more of the following:
His actual legal name is neither Mitt nor Willard. It is Tiffani.
He has a controlling interest in the Impossible to Open Packaging Company, the Speed Trap Camera Mfrs. of America and/or the No You Can’t Ever Reach a Human corporate-voice-mail development company.