We’re down to five in “Top Chef Seattle”: Brooke, Lizzie, Josh, Sheldon and Stefan. Padma and Tom come into the Stew Room after the joyous, wondrous, beautiful, life-affirming event that was Josie’s elimination to tell them they need to pack their bags to get on a cruise to Alaska. Most of the cheftestants are excited, except Brooke — who’s scared of being on a boat. Which ... can you blame her? Norovirus, ship captains who steer too close to Italian coastlines, Neil Diamond wannabes at pianos with tip jars, being trapped with the same people for a week of themed events in what amounts to a floating Sizzler? No, thank you. Yet another reason to be Team Brooke.
Onboard the ship they walk around, pausing long enough for sponsor-mandated beauty shots. Josh is still wearing his twee plaid newsboy cap; have we ever seen him without it? Do you think he might be as bald as Stefan, but the casting producers couldn’t have two bald guys on the show, so they gave him one of those novelty hats with a wig attached? All I know is, that thing must smell pretty awful. To top it off, his ‘stache is so waxed up it doesn’t move in the wind when they’re all standing on the poop deck (you can see my knowledge of ship terminology is limited to what I learned watching “Popeye” cartoons in the early 1970s) getting ready to set sail.