The fact is I really do respect the press. I recognize that the press and I have different jobs to do. My job is to be President; your job is to keep me humble. Frankly, I think I’m doing my job better. (Laughter and applause.)
But part of the problem is everybody is so cynical. I mean, we’re constantly feeding cynicism, suspicion, conspiracies. You remember a few months ago, my administration put out a photograph of me going skeet shooting at Camp David? You remember that? And quite a number of people insisted that this had been photoshopped. But tonight I have something to confess: You were right. Guys, can we show them the actual photo? (Laughter.) We were just trying to tone it down a little bit. (Laughter.) That was an awesome day. (Laughter.)
There are other new players in the media landscape as well, like super PACs. Did you know that Sheldon Adelson spent $100 million of his own money last year on negative ads? You’ve got to really dislike me -- (laughter) -- to spend that kind of money. I mean, that’s Oprah money. (Laughter.) You could buy an island and call it “Nobama” for that kind of money. (Laughter.) Sheldon would have been better off offering me $100 million to drop out of the race. (Laughter and applause.) I probably wouldn’t have taken it, but I’d have thought about it. (Laughter.) Michelle would have taken it. (Laughter.) You think I’m joking? (Laughter.)
I know Republicans are still sorting out what happened in 2012, but one thing they all agree on is they need to do a better job reaching out to minorities. And look, call me self-centered, but I can think of one minority they could start with. (Laughter.) Hello? Think of me as a trial run, you know? (Laughter.) See how it goes. (Laughter.)
If they won’t come to me, I will come to them. Recently, I had dinner -- it’s been well publicized -- I had dinner with a number of the Republican senators. And I’ll admit it wasn’t easy. I proposed a toast -- it died in committee. (Laughter.)
Of course, even after I’ve done all this, some folks still don’t think I spend enough time with Congress. “Why don’t you get a drink with Mitch McConnell?” they ask. Really? (Laughter.) Why don’t you get a drink with Mitch McConnell? (Laughter and applause.) I’m sorry. I get frustrated sometimes.
I am not giving up. In fact, I’m taking my charm offensive on the road -- a Texas barbeque with Ted Cruz, a Kentucky bluegrass concert with Rand Paul, and a book-burning with Michele Bachmann. (Laughter and applause.)
My charm offensive has helped me learn some interesting things about what’s going on in Congress -- it turns out, absolutely nothing. (Laughter.) But the point of my charm offensive is simple: We need to make progress on some important issues. Take the sequester. Republicans fell in love with this thing, and now they can’t stop talking about how much they hate it. It’s like we’re trapped in a Taylor Swift album. (Laughter.)
One senator who has reached across the aisle recently is Marco Rubio, but I don’t know about 2016. I mean, the guy has not even finished a single term in the Senate and he thinks he’s ready to be President. (Laughter and applause.) Kids these days.
I, on the other hand, have run my last campaign. On Thursday, as Ed mentioned, I went to the opening of the Bush Presidential Library in Dallas. It was a wonderful event, and that inspired me to get started on my own legacy, which will actually begin by building another edifice right next to the Bush Library -- can we show that, please? (Laughter.)
I’m also hard at work on plans for the Obama Library. And some have suggested that we put it in my birthplace, but I’d rather keep it in the United States. (Laughter.) Did anybody not see that joke coming? (Laughter.) Show of hands. Only Gallup? Maybe Dick Morris? (Laughter and applause.)
Now, speaking of presidents and their legacies, I want to acknowledge a wonderful friend, Steven Spielberg, and Daniel Day-Lewis, who are here tonight. (Applause.) We had a screening of their most recent film, Lincoln, which was an extraordinary film. I am a little nervous, though, about Steven’s next project. I saw a behind-the-scenes look on HBO -- well, let’s just check it out. Roll the tape.
(Video is shown.) (Laughter and applause.)
It’s a remarkable transformation. Do I really sound like that, though, honey? (Laughter.)
Groucho Marx once said -- and, Senator Cruz, that’s Groucho Marx, not Karl. That’s the other guy. (Laughter.) Groucho Marx once told an audience, “Before I speak, I have something important to say.” (Laughter.) And along those same lines, I want to close on a more serious note.